It’s Easter Sunday. A day that should be filled with church and praise and worship and family. A day that should bring pleasant thoughts and happy memories.
But today is not that at all.
God, I am broken. I cannot take anymore. I am asking you… no… I am begging you to meet me here in this dark place, this broken, empty, painful place and take my outstretched hand and guide me to where I am standing in the light again.
It all came spilling out today. I didn’t mean for it to. I was already so upset about Niki leaving and missing Jessica and being worried about Joshua that, when I got yelled at for doing something I didn’t do, I just went ballistic and before I knew it, the words were flying out of my mouth. I know I should exercise self control, I know I should rely more on You and less on me, but I don’t know HOW yet. I am learning, but you know me God, and how stubborn I am and that learning for me, is often a long, painful process.
I’ve cried so much today that my eyes and lips are swollen. I’ve wrung my hands so much that the skin has started to break an bleed. I’ve prayed and whispered “God loves me.. God loves me” repeatedly to try to drive away this darkness that I am feeling, and yet it lingers.
My only hope now is that night will come, and I will fall into a deep, exhausted sleep – to exhausted for fitfulness and unrest. Too tired to toss and turn. And that in that state, I will feel Your arms around me, and I will experience the comfort that I know that only YOU can give. I will dream of heaven, and no more separation or loneliness or loss. My family will all be together, my husband will love me again and most of all, I will be with you for eternity.
