Last night, as I lay on the bed and thought about the day, I said a very simple prayer. I prayed that God would just put me under His comforting wings and let me get a good nights sleep. Well that prayer got answered because I slept through the storms that had the rest of my house fully awake at 2 AM.
Years ago, before I got saved, I was struggling with my spirituality. After being very confused about a great many things concerning GOD as a child and a young adult, I found myself at a point where I didn’t know who was what and what was who. Finally, it got to the point of being maddening, and a good friend of mine told me – Give God one small thing, just one. Pray about it and then wait to see what happens. Little did I know it then, but that small bit of counsel was the beginning of what would become a six year journey to the foot of the cross.
I get so wrapped up on the big things – the bills, the house payment, marital issues, problems with my children, my own little mind where I’ve created this vast universe in which I am ruler supreme, that I completely miss the point of SMALL STUFF.
I let fear and guilt over-ride the simple but truthful things in my life and blow up out of proportions to the point that I’m miserable. I’ve felt guilty for weeks that I haven’t been to church because our church is more than 20 miles away, and with no income, and very little cash, and gas being $3.50 a gallon, I can’t get there and still have enough to go find work or take Joshua to school. I know in my spiritual mind that God doesn’t expect me to be in church in order to call me His child. But the dogma that I have become accustomed to says “Well if you can’t to church, how do you expect God to help you?”
I feel guilty and anxious when I’ve been up since 3 AM taking care of sewing and web work and marketing and by 3:00 PM I’m flat worn out! I feel guilty that I don’t earn a better income, that I haven’t gotten through school, that I’m often short-tempered and fretful with my children or my husband.
I sweat the SMALL stuff AND the big stuff. But… it dawned on me today – If I’m busy worrying about FEELING GUILTY (Condemnation) and I am trying to carry EVERYTHING by myself – what am I leaving to God?
Then, I read what I have come to call my Life Verse.
1st Peter 1:13-16 says
Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. Be just as He who called you is Holy, so be Holy in all you do, for it is written, “Be Holy because I am Holy.”
The way I read it, spoke volumes to me. I haven’t been acting as a holy person acts – full of worry, of fear, of complaint. Instead, I’d been doing the same things I’ve done for almost 40 years and expecting different results. That, my friends, is the true definition of insanity. And the last thing I need in my life is more insanity.
So, I prayed and I’ve asked God to help me see when I am acting that way, and to make the conscious decision that I will NOT be that way anymore.
My goal today, and from today forward, is to be of service to someone else, in Christs name. That way, I can stay out of self, and away from my own petty complaints, and can give God the chance not only to do what He will in my own life, but I will have the oppertunity to be of service to someone else in His name, and possibly be a blessing to them, so that they too may see just how awesome our God truly is.
